


Painfully Jealous

by Ramoth666



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 12:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16556123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramoth666/pseuds/Ramoth666
Summary: (Kind of long One-shot)Jim just came back from a long trip and Pam didn't hesitate to get married. People try to warn him that something has happened that he won't like but he does find out. And of course, as always, Jim internalizes his feelings and destroys himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I know SwanQueen is taking long but I swear I've gotten some of my motivation back and I'm trying to fix it, please stay tuned. This is a quick one shot for my friend, love you Ixzy, please enjoy everyone! ~Ramoth <3

The minute he entered the room, the atmosphere changed. Everyone turned to the door, smiles on their faces as they waited for Jim to round the corner. And the minute he did, streamers were thrown into the air, shouts of happiness and welcome backs filled the silence, and people bounced up from their chairs, ready to give the man a hug. Of course Jim immediately lit up, not at all expecting the small surprise party his friends would throw for him.

He talked briefly with Michael on his way back from the airport explaining how horrible his flight was. A kid kicking the back of his seat, a pregnant lady sitting by the window who had fallen asleep on his shoulder, and a tough biker dude with a scar running down his forearm were all indicators to a trip of restlessness and worry. Plus, he knew that everyone would still be in the office because they had to work late that night. Maybe they’d give him a sense of normalcy and peace, at least he hoped.

“Michael, you really didn’t have to,” Jim said as he placed his bags down at his desk, a small smile on his face as he threw his arms around the man and patted his back.

“Mmmyeah, maybe, but I did,” the man replied, copying his movements before smiling and walking away to resume his work. 

Jim looked around eagerly, his gaze washing over the room before spotting the one person he felt like speaking to. She was talking to someone but Jim couldn't see them due to Oscar and Creed having a conversation and blocking his view. The man was practically vibrating with excitement and nervous jitters. He swiftly ran over to his desk, unzipping his computer bag and pulling out a clean white letter with the name 'Pam' written in a steady cursive on the front. He had tried his hardest to make the title look professional and neat, he even went as far as looking up YouTube videos to grasp a nice concept on how to make his writing look fancy. Jim deemed it appropriate and perfect and now all he had to do was hand it to her.

The man took a step forward, gently clutching the letter between his forefingers and thumbs. A small smile took its place on his features as he neared Pam and the person she was speaking to. But, before that stranger was revealed, a smiling Kelly stepped in front of him. He looked down at her, smiling widely.

"Hey Kelly, thank you for this, it means a lot," he gestured to the streamers and small party currently taking place around them.

"No problem Jim! How was your flight? How was California?" she asked, her eyes shining with delight as she bounced on the balls of her feet. She seemed nervous and eager.

"Um, the flight was actually really bad but I'm good now cuz I get to see you guys! And I have pictures from California that I'll share with everyone, I'm sure you all want to see how it works," he nodded, smiling.

"Oh yeah, definitely! We were all completely jealous of you getting to go!" she nodded, still smiling. Jim thought she was a little too happy.

"Um- haha yeah," he nodded, looking down at the letter in his palms. Then he noticed Kelly was still standing in front of him expectantly. He cleared his throat and rose an eyebrow. "I should um-" he gestured to the space behind her, specifically in Pam's general direction. 

"Oh! Yeah, um have fun!" she grinned and practically ran away. The male rose an eyebrow at that but eventually shrugged it off.

He stepped forward once more, his eyes lighting up once more as he spotted Pam laughing and smiling widely. Just as he was about to move an inch closer, Dwight slipped into his line of sight. His face was blank and bordering on....angry? Upset?

"Hey Jim-" he began.

"No, Dwight, I don't have time to talk. I really need to see Pam," Jim said, giving him an apologetic look. Dwight huffed.

"I don't want to talk Jim, I just have to tell you that something happened and you're not going to like-"

"Dwight, I'm sure I'll be fine, now, please move," he asked desperately, turning on his puppy dog eyes pleadingly. Dwight sighed and shook his head. 

"I care about your happiness Jim, we all do, but we don't think you should see her right-"

"Jim!" a surprised voice practically yelled. Dwight tensed and moved out of the way, shaking his head and muttering incoherent words under his breath.

Jim's face instantly lit up and tears almost sprang into his eyes. Pam was walking towards him at a rapid pace, a smile painting her features as well. The second they were toe to toe, Pam threw her arms around Jim's neck and his arms immediately slipped around her waist. It felt so right, how they just melted into each other. And for a second, nothing else in the world mattered as they both inhaled deeply, Jim's cologne filling Pam's lungs just like her sweet perfume filled his. Soft dreamy smiles took over their faces and all of their muscles relaxed on impact. They both simpered sweetly.

And then, the moment was ripped away as soon as Jim opened his eyes.

Roy stood against the far wall, watching their interaction with a smirk on his face. His eyes held a look of mischief and suddenly Jim's stomach fell. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion and the corners of his mouth pulled down ever so slightly. 

Pam pulled back slowly, like rose water slipping through the small open crevices in his fingers. He gulped as his grip on the letter tightened. He had so many questions but his mind was instantly distracted by the grin on Pam's face. He couldn't put into words how much he loved that expression. As if he hung the stars and she admired him for it.

"Jim, I'm so happy you made it back safe," she clasped her hands together excitedly.

"Yeah, me too," he replied, smiling gently as his gaze shifted to Roy again.

Pam followed his eyes and her demeanor immediately changed. She became a billion times brighter as a thousand-watt smile broke out onto her face and she ran over to Roy, snuggling into his side as he placed an arm around her neck, leaning on her shoulders. Jim watched her wince slightly and his eyes narrowed slightly.

_If he really cared for her, he would know that her neck hurts a lot. He wouldn't put his heavy arm around her neck._

And then he saw it. When she placed her hand on his chest lovingly. A bright light reflecting off of a small jewel encrusted ring forced his eyes to slide to the object around her finger. And suddenly, everything became too much. His head began swimming and his heart felt as if a million stones had been dropped onto it. And everything clicked. Tears sprung into his eyes and a watery smile slid onto his face. 

_This isn't how I imagined I'd die._

Pam's eyes followed Jim's gaze once again and her eyes widened ever so slightly as she spotted her ring. The second she turned her head to face Jim again, her eyes caught an emotion on his face that she's never seen before. It quickly slipped away and was replaced with a smile but she had a feeling that something had changed. Were his eyes always as glittery and shining? Is he that happy about the decision?

"Oh right, Pam and I got married," Roy said, forcing both people out of their daydreams. 

"O-oh...I see that. I'm sorry I wasn't back in time for the wedding," Jim replied, stuttering slightly. He gulped, forcing his emotions back down.

"It's alright. I have some pictures! You can see them if you want. Did you get pictures of California?" Pam asked cheerfully, pushing back her concern for Jim. 

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. I'm uh- I'm gonna go and get some sleep. Had a long flight," he said, nodding and swallowing loudly once more before turning around. He forgot to answer the question about taking photos.

"Jim?" Pam asked, watching as he turned around. Was his face always that red?

"Yeah?" he replied softly.

"Have a good night. I'll see you Monday," she smiled gently, nodding her head slowly.

Jim nodded, his gaze flipping from Pam to Roy to the ring once more before turning around. Dwight, Kelly, Phyllis, Angela, and Michael were watching the interaction discreetly, their gazes full of sorrow and remorse for the man. Dwight moved first, wanting to lessen the blow somehow. He walked slowly towards Jim, coming into his line of sight swiftly.

"Jim I-"

"Not now Dwight. I-I have to go," he said softly, not wanting to meet his friend's eyes. But Dwight understood.

He nodded and whispered a goodnight before turning around and walking back to his desk, shooting sorry looks to the others. He shook his head, signaling for them to drop the subject and they watched with tired eyes as Jim grabbed his stuff, sliding his computer bag onto his shoulder and gripping his suitcase before shuffling towards the door.

He stopped in front of the receptionist's desk, his face blank, and crumpled up the letter in his hands, squeezing the paper angrily before throwing it at the wire waste paper basket that was placed against the far wall. He watched it smack against the metal and hit the carpet, the name now distorted due to the newly made wrinkles.

And then, with a shattered heart, he opened the office door and slipped into the hallway, and eventually into the night. Where the darkness encased him, the scars reopened, and his tears turned into rivers. 

 

 


	2. Feelings Suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim lets it all out at home and people start to worry about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, motivation is coming back quickly for SwanQueen so I'll begin resuming my writing very soon. (I feel this chapter was rushed cuz it kinda was but I think I got the point across). (I also didn't re-read this so sorry for mistakes). This one shot is going to be 3 chapters so please enjoy! Love you lovelies! ~Ramoth <3

The straps of his computer bag slid off of his shoulder easily, hitting the floor with a gentle thud as the man placed his suitcase down next to the couch. He released a heavy sigh, tears still sliding down his cheeks as he trudged into his room and pushed his face into the inviting pillow on his bedspread. The smirk on Roy's face was still burned into his memory, causing more tears to fall onto the fabric of his pillow slip. 

The contents of that letter would never be revealed...to anyone. And it was Jim's job to remember those words. The words explaining his admiration and fascination with Pam, his coworker, his friend. His friend. And that thought was now burned into his mind. She was just another friend, another person in his life that preferred to stay at least a few feet away from him. And once again his mind takes over, his thoughts are ruined, and all of the wounds from his past relationships reopen. And what does he do now? He drinks. 

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No one knew of Jim's guilty pleasure, or what he does to forget his feelings. Everyone thought that he worked through things like that on his own or with Pam. But now he doesn't have Pam. He doesn't have that woman or that firm shoulder to lean on. Now he has himself.

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"Jim!" a loud knock rang throughout the house, not even making the owner flinch.

He was leaning against the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him as his right palm holds onto a bottle of vodka. The drink was only used for parties, but, it is now apparently used for broken hearts and messed up feelings. 

Jim's hazel eyes are bloodshot and glossy, gazing longingly out the window in his living room into the sky above. His body is quivering ever so slightly and dark bags have taken their place on the skin under his eyes. But he can't manage to close them. So he stares, unblinking until the pain becomes too much and his vision becomes too blurry because of the fresh tears that cloud it, and he blinks gently. His eyes close for at least a minute, willing, begging, his mind to drift off to sleep. A never ending sleep. But it doesn't come. It never did.

"Jim, come on, please open the door!" Dwight's voice can be heard from the entrance to his home. The home with no lights on but a home that has a car in the driveway.

But still, the man refuses to move. His gaze only shifts to bottles of alcohol placed next to him. One bottle of whisky and the other, another bottle of vodka. Both of which are empty.

"Jim, if you don't open this door we'll- we'll-"

And hushed voices can be heard from inside, Kelly's threat falling limp as they realize that they can't do anything but wait if he doesn't answer. And so they do. They wait as long as they have to, taking time out of their days to knock on the door and ask if he's ok. Until one day.

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A tentative hand is laid against the wooden door of Jim's house. The pale fingers curl up, forming a fist before knocking gently with their knuckles, on the wood. And they wait. And when there isn't an answer, they speak.

"Jim?" a soft voice rings out, the woman's tone overflowing with sorrow.

"Jim? Please answer," she calls louder this time, staring up at the golden numbers screwed onto the door.

And there, the man sits in his house. He sits on the couch, his body frozen and rigid, tensing with emotion. But he doesn't move. He doesn't get up and walk around the house, ignoring the person outside, he sits. He sits and waits for her to go away and never bother him again. And, eventually she does. She leaves, with a soft goodbye and those three words muttered under her breath in the cool December air. And he doesn't hear them. Those three words that would brighten his life forever.

And once she is gone, he gets up and begins to pack. Jim begins to check everything in his house and take note of what to take and what to leave. He has his paperwork in order, he has everything situated and ready. And he fails to notice how much he is overreacting. But he isn't. He isn't overreacting whatsoever, because, the love of his life got married whilst he was away on a business trip. A business trip that consisted of conferences and representatives and the constant feeling of needing to call. Needing to call her. But he couldn't. He only called her once, when he landed. When he said that he'd be returning soon and that she shouldn't miss him too much. And to him, it seems that she didn't. At all.

Michael had asked him to fill in for him at a conference in California because he was sick the day they requested he go. So, Jim, being the nice guy he is, agreed. And Michael failed to tell him that there was more than one conference and that the trip would last five months. Five months and Jim, as well as everyone else, thought he was staying for a week. And that hurt the most, knowing that he was away from everyone for that long and that his best friend decided to get married. And what does he do now? Well......he writes.

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All of the letters are in order. Everything is ready. His suitcases are packed, his paperwork and money are handled and have been taken care of and the car is full of gas. And Jim still has no sense of time or how many days he spent in his house, not bothering to answer the door or go out into the real world. 

A breath leaves his cracked lips and he places the letters gently onto his bed. The bed that was stripped of its blankets and pillow slip. So now it is just a mattress. And so, he places the neat letters on the mattress, lining them up perfectly. And then he turns, walks out of the barren room, closes the door behind him, and walks into the living room.

And, with a final exhale and gentle shake of his head, Jim steps forward. And he blinks. A single tear running down his cheek. 

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And the sound of a door slamming rings throughout the neighborhood. 


	3. Never Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has settled and a certain someone realizes their mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, this is the last chapter. Apparently, my motivation is being bitchy and is choosing to run away just when I've got it back but I am going to work on SwanQueen if it is the last thing I do lmao. Anyway, please enjoy! ~Ramoth <3

It's been two years since they found the letters on Jim's bed. Since they all stood in his house clutching letters with their respective names scrawled on the material. Since Pam cried for a week straight and since the office was quiet for about two months. Everything seemed so dull and empty. And, in a way, it still does.

Everyone except Pam knows why Jim left and why he left the vaguest letter to ever exist for her. Everyone decided not to share the contents of their letters with each other or anyone else. Those letters were their secrets and only Dwight was left with Jim's new cellphone number. They also found someone to take up Jim's position, but, in reality, they all know that the guy will never be like Jim. At all.

And they still miss him dearly.

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Jim lives in a beautiful house in Brooklyn. He drives a Lamborghini and is the CEO of a rather large computer company. The man has a girlfriend who he recently proposed to and is extremely happy where he is.

And only Dwight knows that.

And he can't say a word about his friend's achievements. Because he knows it will break the others, knowing that Jim only trusted Dwight. His frenemy.

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_Dear Diary,_

_I am a mess. It is the anniversary of Jim's decision to go away and leave us and I'm not able to think straight. He was my best friend, the only person that was there for me when I really needed someone and... now I have no one. No one that really understands me and gets what I mean when I can't even explain what I mean. He was the only reason why I stayed at that job and why I showed up everyday. And now, now he's gone. And I miss him terribly._

_I figured out that Dwight has his new number. And apparently, he's choosing not to tell anyone why or that he even has it. Maybe- maybe if I give him a message to send to Jim, the man might see just how much I care for him. Because I made a mistake. A really big one that I can't bounce back from. And jeez, I miss you Jim. I miss you so much._

_-Pam_

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And no one knows that Dwight found and saved the letter that was meant for Pam all along. The letter that Jim worked hard at perfecting day and night whilst he was away. The letter that put everything on the line. 

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**"...And now, I must leave you with this Beesly. You are the most intelligent, sweetest person I've ever known and your beauty is beyond compare. You've never had to prove yourself to me and you'll never have to. If you accept my declaration of a life full of adventure and a greater friendship to come, then you will see every part of me, including the parts that you've fixed and put back together. And if you don't, then things will probably be awkward, but I know nothing can get in the way of our friendship.  So, Pam Beesly, will you go on a date with me?**

**With all of the love the world has to offer,**

**-Jim H.**

**P.S. I love you."**

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End file.
